. I need a job. No one else in town will even speak to me, I have nowhere else to go." Word on the street is, you're broke and pregnant," he said, eyi...g the woman who had pleasured him several times since that initial evening."I'll do ANYTHING!" Ellen sobbed, "just please don't turn me away. I slept in the livery stable last night. The smithy caught me this morning and threw me out. Please!" Are you showing yet?" No, not for a while." All right then, you can work the room on the far end of the. I needed to Priest to intercede for me because I knew that I was irredeemable and without forgiveness. God had turned his face from me.Aurora argued with me. She pleaded with me. She nagged me. In the end I couldn’t turn her down, so I found myself in the office of the Parish Priest.Of course I couldn’t actually tell him the entire truth, because he would believe that I was delusional or a pathological liar.“Are you sure that you want your fiancée present while you give your confession?” Father. I glanced sideways out of the corner of my eyes at the couple to the west. They were making no pretense at being discreet now - they were both watching me working the lotion onto Barb. I quietly told Barb, "We have an audience." Her head was turned toward the east on the blanket and had been watching the other couple and said simply, "I know." I hadn't even looked in their direction and when I did I saw that the woman was sitting up, cross legged on their blanket facing directly toward us,. Play with their breasts, sure, but no desire to get inside them. I want to play their role. I want to be in their position. I want to lie naked on the bed, seduce the other person to caress my naked body, play with my breasts, spank my ass.I'm not gay, I tried to be, but I can't be. I don't find men attractive. Perhaps its a self loathing, that I hate being a man. It would be fun to have sex with a guy as a woman, but I cannot imagine kissing a guy, or going on a date with one. Men are not for.
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